


Invincible

by remanth



Series: Thoughts and Reflections [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon Blood, Gen, invincible, power
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-08
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2017-12-04 15:06:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/712090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remanth/pseuds/remanth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam reflects on where he went wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Invincible

I believed myself invincible once. A combination of demon blood, psychic powers, and the influence of a demon I really shouldn't have trusted convinced me I could have taken on God if I needed to. The power was intoxicating; I felt amazing even though it was starting to turn me into something I barely recognized. I wish I could say that it was the demon blood that made me turn on my brother but I can't. That part was me, the frustrations of years of arguments and fighting to be myself against our father coming out.

During that whole time, I was a world-class fuck-up. I did exactly what I shouldn't have, released something that should have stayed bound for eternity. I didn't listen to the people who really cared about me, to the one person who had an idea of what was going on. I turned my back on all of them to follow the siren call of a demon I think I was starting to love.

Love. Isn't that a whole other ball of thorns. I fell head over heels for a beautiful girl at Stanford and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But knowing me was what got her killed. Everyone I've gotten close to since her has died. That's why I fought the lure of a certain archangel with honey gold eyes. Much as I wanted to bask in the warmth of those eyes, I knew it was a bad idea. Angels might be hard to kill, archangels even harder, but hanging around with me was a surefire way of something managing it. Hell, even my brother had died hundreds of times, most in my arms.

And something did manage it. An even more powerful archangel killed him when he was trying to protect us. The last time I saw him, he was between us and the devil, angel blade in hand and pissed and terrified all at the same time. I tried to convey my forgiveness for the past and everything else in the last desperate look we shared but I don't know how much got through. I will always remember the knowledge of his own death in those honey gold eyes. When it was all over, I wanted to go back but my brother wouldn't stop driving. I suppose it's better that way. If I had seen his wings ashed onto the floor underneath his lifeless body, it would have been another weight added to the burden on my shoulders. This way, I could pretend that it was all a trick, that he had survived.

But I digress, which seems to happen whenever I think about Gabriel lately. Though, I suppose one has a right to reflect on one's life when approaching death. Somehow, I found the strength to shove the devil back into his cage and make it through living soulless. But when our ally, one of the only other angels who was on our side, made a bad choice and let loose a terrifying evil while dying in the process, I knew our end was coming. Though he managed to survive or get resurrected again, which may be the only reason we defeat Leviathan.

This whole thing has the same feel as when we were trying to stop the seals from being broken. The same desperation, the same fading hope as we lose battle after battle. Even the few victories we managed are overshadowed by the losses we've suffered. And I don't have the illusion of invincibility now. I know I'm human, how fragile I and my brother are. The angel may be insane from the hell crap he pulled from my head, but he's still an angel. I think he may be the one who survives this final, mad confrontation. And there's the proof, if I needed it, that he was really dead. The trickster would have been in the thick of this, I think. Gabriel would have wanted to stop anything that could kill more of his brothers and sisters.

But my time's up. Plans are made, allies are set, and we have one more moment before the fight. I share a glance with my brother, knowing he's as committed to this as I am. His job is to kill Leviathan. Mine is to find the prophet and get him out, if I can. Squaring my shoulders, I glance up at the sky and mouth a prayer. I'm fairly certain God isn't listening. He probably doesn't care even if he is. And the other being I'd prayed to, the guardian whose day I'd been born on, I knew he wasn't listening. He'd died for me, my brother, and another god. Maybe if God truly was all-forgiving and merciful, I'd see him again when I died here. I missed the pint-sized archangel-turned-trickster.


End file.
